May Contain Nuts

… is in the tank for Obama.

I think the most amusing part of that article are the comments accusing FOX’s own poll of having a liberal bias. And of course, the saddest part are the comments trumpeting the Bradley Effect as McCain’s saving grace / ace in the hole. Evidently in order for McCain to win, he has to do so with the help of racist bastards. Nice.

It ain’t over ’til it’s over, but at this point, I think the Fat Lady is getting ready for her overture. Hopefully this’ll be called early tomorrow night so I don’t have to stay up all night waiting for the results to come in from Colorado (though I may stay up just to see which color Arizona turns). At least I’m on the west coast this election cycle… I watched the last two in Kentucky, and that sucked. Was up until 4 AM waiting to see who won… then went to bed with nightmares :P.

This is the most brilliant thing I think I’ve seen all year…

‘Warcraft’ Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing ‘Warcraft’

CNN.com - Manilow tunes annoy residents - Jul 17, 2006

Title in the RSS feed: “Barry Manilow tunes used to drive away revelers”

… wow.

CNN.com - Afghan donkey bomb plot foiled - Jun 8, 2006

Because there are no cars in Afghanistan to put bombs in…

I also find it amusing that the article ends mid-sentence (not that the contents of the paragraph are amusing, just that it stops talking mid-way through)…

CNN.com - Town won’t let unmarried parents live together - May 17, 2006

This would be funny if it weren’t true…

CNN.com - Doc’s diagnosis: Nail gun caused headache (listed on the RSS feed as “Man with 12 nails in skull complains of headache”)

I would, by the way, like to apologize for the fact that these links tend to lead to 404s after a period of time… apparently CNN likes to clean out its offbeat news and offbeatedly-headlined stories from time to time.

CNN.com - Vengeful mouse sets house ablaze

Die at your own risk, mayor proposes
(CNN’s RSS feed titles this story “Cemetery full so mayor proposes solution — no more dying”).

I should make this a running gag, picking out Onion-worthy news articles from CNN’s RSS feed, simply because I find it mildly entertaining (and somewhat depressing) that The Onion is, at times, less like a parody of the news media and more like reading some alternate dimension’s actual news.

Today’s gems include:

A lot may be riding on the Spallino family’s leased car

and my personal favorite of the day:

What Does President Bush Keep In His Pockets?

(apparently it’s a slow news day)

I expect this kind of stuff from The Onion, but I think CNN has the better headlines for today…

“China to use GPS to peep on panda sex”

and

“England Gets 3 Years for Abu Ghraib”